Waiting...in contentment

Waiting is hard enough, and now you want me to WHAT?  Not get impatient?  Not die a little inside each time someone else receives the blessing that I've been longing for?  ...and then actually be happy for them?  Not wonder, "when is it my turn"?  Actually be joyful in my current circumstances?  Not worry or get anxious?  Be CONTENT?

Contentment.  There are times when I hate that word.  I'm sorry.  I do.  There are times when painful situations or deep rooted desires are so intense and so overwhelming, that if one more person tells me that it "could be worse" or "this too shall pass", I just might scream.  And sometimes I'm just so wrapped up in that one thing that I want to change or that I think I need, I can't see outside of that self-absorbed bubble called ME.

Pity parties.  I'm good at them.

And then God got a hold of me.  I'm not totally sure how it happened.  I do know that I started making a concentrated effort to invest a whole lot more time into Him.  That's key.  I'm sure of it.  All I know is that the more I know God, the more I trust Him.  I'm tired of worrying or getting frustrated or upset over things that I can't control.  What's the point?  It only makes the wait worse.  I can't control circumstances.  I can't control other people.  I've come to realize that I can only do something about my personal response, my actions, and what I'm doing about today.  So if I know I'm following God step by step along the way, I need to trust that He will take care of the rest.

Paul certainly had a right to complain.  He was beaten, imprisoned, persecuted.  And yet in Philippians, he wrote:

...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

There it is: "through Him who gives me strength".  Trusting a God Who is so much bigger than any problem that we might be waiting for an answer to.  He already knows the future.  He's got it under control.  And if we look to Him, He will give us strength to make it through. 

I don't know when the peace and contentment settled in, but it did...somewhere along the way...it DID.  Sure, I still struggle.  I have big dreams, and I have no clue if they'll pan out.  I have desires that I genuinely believe God has planted in my heart, and right now I can't see how they will ever be fulfilled.  But I'm trusting that the more I get to know God, the more my heart will align with His.  I'm trusting that if God has given me those dreams and desires, then He's not going to abandon them.  And if God has another plan for my life, then I'm trusting that He will reveal that to me in His good timing, and my heart's desire will find peace in knowing it's from Him.  I'm trusting that this waiting is all part of His plan for my life, and I need to embrace the wait, learn from it, and glean as much as I can from it along the way.  I'm trusting that He has it all worked out for my best.  I know I'm making it sound so much easier than it is, but I'm telling you...TRUST HIM.  Surrender to Him.  Lay it at His feet.  It's the only real solution.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.