Standards

It's hard to believe how many people have suggested that maybe I need to lower my standards. 

Fact:  I am single.
Fact:  I'm not getting any younger.

These two factors seem to act as a magnet for all kinds of unsolicited "advice". Which leads me back to my opening statement. People actually suggest that I lower my standards.  It's probably one of the comments I've heard most often, and it's the one that makes me bristle the most. While said with good intentions, it's often said without truly understanding my heart.  I think they assume that I'm "picky".  And while that's true on some level, it's not over the same qualities that they are typically referring to.  

There was a time in my life when I didn't think very highly of myself.  I didn't believe that I was good enough.  I didn't realize how crushed I had become as I allowed my spirit to be steamrolled and trampled.  I didn't believe I was worth enough to deserve anything better, and I was willing to settle just to be in a relationship of some sort.

Thankfully, I've come a long way since then.  It took time.  It took the blessing of experiencing the way I should be treated...being truly cherished, built up both emotionally and spiritually, and respected.  And it took A LOT of Jesus to get me to the point I'm at today.  Now I actually like me.  I actually know who I am as a person.  And I actually know who I am in Christ.  I now know from the depths of my being that I am loved by the Most High God, and as His daughter, my heart is worth way too much to toss around recklessly or to give away on a whim.

So yes, I have standards. I want my future husband to love Jesus.  I want him to be actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus.  And out of the overflow of his love for Jesus, I want him to treat me with love and respect as well.  Those are standards I'm not willing to compromise. Sure, I'd also like someone with a personality; someone who makes me laugh; someone who can hold a conversation; someone who is self-motivated.  And it doesn't hurt if he's cute.  haha.  But all of that is pointless if the underlying foundational standards are not met. It's just not wise, and I'm not wasting my time pursuing something that I know ultimately can't go anywhere. What's the point?

I have seen far too many marriages suffer through painful divorce.  I've seen precious friends endure the hurt, the damage, the destruction, the resulting baggage, the scars.  I've seen far too many people end up with regrets.  And while some of them are now making the most of their situation, remaining faithfully committed, and seeing God bless their determined efforts, they've had to let go of the "if onlys" in order to move forward.  I've seen far too many people settle for less than God's best.

My heart breaks for marriages that are suffering. My heart breaks when I hear how marriages are dissolving right and left. My heart breaks when I see relationships that are visibly unhealthy. My heart breaks over the selfish, demeaning, and uncaring way that I've seen spouses treat the one they supposedly love.

I know that no one is perfect.  I certainly am not.  I know that we're all a work in progress, that relationships take a ton of work, and that sometimes even when you "do everything right" it can still end tragically. Trust me, I'm not naive. I do not have some romantic, storybook, "happily ever after" set of expectations. But I do believe that God created marriage to be a blessing.  Way back at the beginning of Genesis, God declared that it was not good for man to be alone, and He made Eve to be with the man as a lover, helper, and friend.  I believe that God created marriage for our good.  He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.  And I just want to make every effort to enter into that kind of lifetime commitment with the right foundation from the outset...with Christ as the center. 

It's amazing how quickly people retract their "advice" once they get all the facts.  It's amazing how quickly they do a 180 and begin encouraging me to continue holding fast to the standards that I've set.  And while I don't know when or if God will bring "the one" into my life, I really believe that God blesses our obedience...not always in the way that we expect, and not merely through future "answers to prayer", but also in so many incredible ways along the journey.  So I'll keep holding to my standards, walking in obedience, and trusting that God's plans and timing are always best.