Change

It's crazy to think that a year ago, my little world as I knew it totally turned upside down. The safe little bubble that I had built up and lived in completely imploded. I suppose in comparison to the crisis situations that I've seen other people go through, it might have been insignificant. But for me, it was earth shattering. Not knowing who to trust. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing anything really.

And yet in the middle of it all, there was a strange sense of peace. 

You see, this wasn't the first time I've had the rug pulled out from under me.  It wasn't the first time I've experienced heartache.  It wasn't the first time I've been left in complete bewilderment. Not understanding. Not knowing who to trust. Not knowing what to do.  But I think this most recent time was different somehow, and I think it's because of things that God has been teaching me step by step especially over the last few years.

For the first time in my life, I knew that my focus was first and foremost dead set on following what God wanted for me. Even if it meant change (which up until that point hadn't really been a part of my vocabulary). Even if it meant leaving everything that I loved doing and was thrilled beyond words to be involved in.  Even if it scared the crap out of me. So while I felt completely out of control and disoriented, somehow I knew that God was in control. I knew that no matter what happened, He would walk through it with me. And if God was asking me to uproot myself and start over, then He would certainly not waste the amazing things that He had begun in my life or the passions that He had been stirring in my heart.

There was really only one thing I kept coming back to amidst my uncertainty. Even if I didn't understand, I knew that if God was calling me to change, then I could change.  I would change. And I found peace in that. Overwhelming peace.

Sitting on her front porch, a great friend encouraged me to trust my gut, and trust that if I've truly been seeking God's will and His guidance, then God was in that peace that I was experiencing. And that's when I think the lightbulb finally went on, and it finally clicked. I realized that maybe I wasn't so uncertain about what I needed to do after all.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Crazier still, once I started to embrace that peace and follow God's leading, that's when change actually started to hold a hint of excitement for me. I'm actually starting to look forward to it! I love what Steven Furtick posted on twitter yesterday: Everything I ever thought I needed that God took away, turns out it was blocking something BETTER He had prepared. And let me tell you, I've seen God open some amazing doors along the way. And as I continue to learn to let go of my will and follow His, I'm thinking there's a whole slew of incredible opportunities just waiting to unfold in God's perfect timing.

I do not know what the future holds.  I do not know where God might call me.  I do not know what may be on the horizon.  But I do know without a doubt that as long as I'm running hard after God and following His lead, I never have to be afraid. I can trust that His plan will always be so much greater than my own. I can rest in His peace no matter what He might ask me to change.