I read Andy Stanley's The Principle of the Path about a year ago, and part of the last chapter really hit me. Sometimes there comes a point in our seasons of waiting when we have to come to grips with the fact that God's plans are not lining up with our own, and we have to learn how to "let go". How will you react? I'll let Andy walk you through it:
"What do you do with the dreams that can't come true?" "What do you do when it dawns on you that there are destinations you will never reach?" "What do you do when factors outside your control make it impossible to get from where you are to where you want to be?" At some point we wake up to the realization that IT...whatever IT is...is not going to happen for us. As if that weren't bad enough, you look around and it appears that IT is happening for everybody around you. Everybody else seems to be living your dream. Everybody else seems to be arriving at your destination. Everybody but you. Perhaps it's the God part of the equation that makes your disappointment so...disappointing. You feel like God made you a promise and didn't come through. You're convinced that the destination you set your sights on was a destination God placed in your heart. You're convinced that the dream that can't come true is not just your dream. It was God's dream for you. And now, at a time when you desperately need to lean hard on your heavenly Father, you aren't sure He can be trusted. You've done everything you know to do, and in spite of your best efforts, certain destinations remain out of reach.
There comes a time in each of our lives when we are forced to turn our backs on something we hoped for, prayed for, dreamed about, and perhaps planned for. These are usually good things. But a day comes when we are faced with the reality that they're not going to happen for us. We aren't going to get there. That dream isn't coming true.
These are defining moments. For some, they signal the end of faith. The disappointment crushes all hope that God can be counted on in the future. Some panic and do things that only make a bad situation worse. Others bargain with God, looking for a way to force his hand. But for many, this is where faith begins. This moment forces them to face the reality that they have no control over the future and that their only hope is in the Lord.
My mind is flooded with memories of conversations I've had and letters I've received from men, women, and teenagers whose broken dreams and broken hearts led them to the place where they could say, "Let Him do to me whatever seems good to Him." These are individuals who have learned one of the most difficult lessons of life. Namely, when it dawns on you that your dreams can't come true, the best response is to lean hard into your heavenly Father...even when it appears that He is responsible for your disappointment. The only other option is to run from the only one who can bring comfort when you need comfort the most.
Sandra and I had a friend named Debbie Kennedy who died of cancer several years ago. She was a remarkable woman. She never married, though she sure desired that. She never had kids, though she was an incredible second mom to a number of children. She served in ministry her entire adult life. She had a joy that went beyond contagious...it was infectious. You couldn't be around Debbie without smiling. She underwent several surgeries, chemo, radiation, the whole nine yards. She was supported by friends, but no family. Toward the end she said something to me that I'll never forget. It was the first time I ever heard anyone say this, although I've heard it several times since. I was asking her about how she maintained her faith through the pain, the disappointments, the treatments, and the complexity of living with cancer. She smiled and said, "Once I was able to accept the cancer as coming from the hand of my heavenly Father, I was okay." I was stunned. Cancer, from God? She went on to explain that as a child of God she believed that God had the final say-so over what could and could not enter her life. She didn't pretend that cancer was a good thing. And Debbie didn't view God as the cause of her cancer. But she accepted it as part of his plan for her. She told me, "In the beginning I would argue with God. I told Him that I had more to do and that I didn't have time to be sick. But as long as I argued, I had no peace. Once I accepted this as part of His will for me, I was okay." Debbie slipped out of this life into the next with friends holding hands around her bed, singing her favorite worship choruses. Some of Debbie's dreams never came true. But she never doubted God's faithfulness or love for her. Even in the most excruciating circumstances, she was able to receive all that came her way as coming from the hand of her Father in heaven.
So what do you do when your dream can't come true? When you realize that a destination is out of reach? You can be angry...angry with God, angry with life. You can despair. You can try to make something happen anyway. But at the end of your striving and manipulating, nothing will have changed. You will be just as far away from whatever it is you desired. But now you will be far from God as well.
Your other option is to do what hundreds and thousands of believers through the ages have done. You can drop to your knees and cry out in disappointment to your heavenly Father. You can mourn the loss of your dream, then wipe the tears from your eyes and say to God, "Do to me whatever seems good to you. I still believe. I still trust. And I will continue to follow." You pray, "Not my will, but yours be done." And then you rest in the fact that you have done all you can...and all you should.
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