Heart of Worship

Worship music resonates deep within my heart.  It touches my soul.  I can't help but be moved.  I can't help but sing along.  It's one of the major ways that I communicate with my Father.  I've sung my heart out to God with wild abandon.  Danced before Him in complete and utter joy.  Broken down and wept.  Been overwhelmed by His love.  Curled up in the lap of my Abba, Father.  Fallen at His feet.  Closed my eyes, raised my hands, and just worshipped Him.  And I can't help but beam!   

It's been a while since I've had the privilege to lead worship through music within a church setting.  I was ok with stepping back at first.  It's what I felt God was calling me to do.  To sit.  To be still.  Soaking.  Being fed.  Healing.  But that season of needing to just "be" didn't last very long.  An ache in my heart started surfacing...that void wasn't easy to ignore.

Along the way, I've recognized some dirt under the surface that needed to be dealt with.  I've had to process my motives.  I know leading worship is where my heart is at, and I know that God's given me gifts, and I know that He's given me some really amazing opportunities to combine both of those facets and be used in the past.  But there's this tendency toward an underlying struggle with humility and selfishness.  I wonder when I get frustrated...where is that coming from?  Do I think too highly of myself?  Who am I doing this for?  Is this about me, or is this truly all about God??  And the whole time I'm sitting here thinking...God, whatever you want.  I want to be open to His leading, and more than anything, I just want to make sure I'm doing everything for the right reasons.

This is not about me...not about being "Rockstar Amy" (as some beloved friends nicknamed me).  This is not about music.  This is not about preferences or performing or recognition.

Worship is about God and God alone.  This is about fixing our eyes on the Creator of all things.  Our Father.  Our Saviour.  Our Redeemer.  Jesus.  This is about giving Him all our praise and honor and adoration.  Returning thanks.  Lifting up His name above all others.

And so this week, I've had the opportunity to begin stepping down the road toward getting involved once again.  It's amazing how merely practicing and singing with a team of people has done my heart a world of good.  That ache is still there, but it's somehow turning the corner from being an aching void to an ache of excitement.  A longing to be used in other people's lives within that forum again.  An anticipation of fulfilling God's purposes.  A passion to help others connect with God in a more intimate way and on a deeper level.    

Psalm 100

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.  Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.  Know that the Lord is God.  It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.  For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.