Kissing Stones

Legend has it that if you travel to Blarney Castle in Ireland and kiss the Blarney Stone, you will gain the gift of eloquence.  Kissing the Stone isn't an easy feat.  The castle's official tourism website states:  Once upon a time, visitors had to be held by the ankles and lowered head first over the battlements. Today, we are rather more cautious of the safety of our visitors. The Stone itself is still set in the wall below the battlements. To kiss it, one has to lean backwards (holding on to an iron railing) from the parapet walk. The prize is a real one as once kissed the stone bestows the gift of eloquence. 

As you can see above, a few years ago when I took a little trip across the pond, I thought I'd give it a shot and kiss the Stone.  I need all the help I can get!  haha

You must understand that while I'm ok with writing out the thoughts that tumble through my brain, something misfires when I try to formulate those thoughts and actually verbalize them audibly.  I've gotten much better over the years, but it still doesn't come easy for me. You don't know the fear that courses through me at the thought of having to speak in front of a crowd.  And please don't ever put me on the spot to filibuster.  My brain likes to completely seize up.  So you can see why the gift that was promised from kissing the Stone appealed to me.

Over the last several years, I had been approached a few times about stepping up and leading worship at church.  I shut them down soundly every single time.  Sure, I can get up and sing, but don't ever ask me to talk.  I could never do that.

I was reading through Exodus 3-4 this week.  I love how God gives us examples time and time again of people who struggle with the exact same things we deal with today.  Moses is there talking to God in a burning bush.  God's telling Moses to go to Egypt, stand up in front of Pharaoh, and tell him to let the Israelites go.  You instantly see Moses freeze up, try to back pedal, and come up with any excuse possible not to go.  He starts shooting questions at God, and God comes back and answers all of them.  He starts saying that no one will believe God sent him, and God turns around and gives Moses miracles to perform to prove who sent him.  And then Moses throws out the exact excuse that I used to use:

Moses said to the Lord, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”  The Lord said to him, “Who gave man his mouth?  Who makes him deaf or mute?  Who gives him sight or makes him blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”  But Moses said, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”

There came a point about two years ago when I got asked to lead yet again. It came at a time in my life when I had been doing some major soul searching and self discovery. I had been praying that God would open doors for me to grow and stretch myself and serve. I really wanted to be used, and I didn't want to continue just being "comfortable". Honestly, the idea scared me to death. I had struggled in the past just to merely speak and invite people to "sing with me", so I wasn't at all sure how I was supposed to lead an entire service. But I knew that God had been using me for many years to lead people in worship, and I couldn't limit Him any more by saying He couldn't help me take that one step further. And so I decided to stop making excuses. I stopped refusing the opportunity that God was bringing me. I tried it.

Let's just say "freaking out" doesn't even begin to cover what I was feeling. Thankfully, I had some key people encouraging me along the way, and somehow God got me through it. And He got me through the next time, and the next time, and the next... There were a few times along the way when I had to unexpectedly fill dead air and speak. Something miraculously came out of my mouth, and I think it actually made sense?! All I know is that it was all God, because it certainly wasn't me. When God asks us to step out and trust Him, He will faithfully see us through.

A lot has happened over the last two years. I haven't had the opportunity to lead worship in a while...until now. I have the opportunity to help out and lead again this Sunday. You know, the crazy thing is that this time when I got asked, there was no internal "freaking out". There actually was some excitement, and there was an overwhelming realization of God's enduring faithfulness.  He continues to mold, shape, and prepare us along the way for each step of His plan. 

So did kissing the Blarney Stone actually give me the gift of eloquence?!  Haha...that's doubtful.  But I do know for a fact that if God is opening doors and wants you to do something, then He's going to faithfully give you the ability to do it.  We just need to stop making excuses and start trusting Him.