It's You

Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

But as for me, I will always have hope;

I will praise you more and more.

My mouth will tell of your righteousness,

of your salvation all day long,

though I know not its measure.

I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;

I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.

My lips will shout for joy

when I sing praise to you -

I, whom you have redeemed.

Psalm 71

There is a light in the dark

That's come to make us new

Come to heal our hearts

God it's You

There is a hope for the weak

That's come to show us the truth

Come to be all we need

God it's You

God of all creation

King of all the nations

The universe declares His praise

Can you hear it rising

Over the horizon

Come and join redemption's song

It's You

God it's You

You are the light in the dark

You've come to make us new

Come to heal our hearts

God it's You

God it's You

God of all creation

King of all the nations

The universe declares His praise

Can you hear it rising

Over the horizon

Come and join redemption's song

It's You

God it's You

You are worthy

You are worthy

You are worthy, God

You are worthy

You are worthy

You are worthy, God

Surrender

I've been thinking a lot about surrender and what that really means. What does that look like practically in every day life? Does it mean completely letting go of dreams? Does it mean defeat and loss? Does it mean giving up completely on desires that run deeply to the core of our hearts?

We hold so tightly to the thought of one day. We try to imagine what it would be like if all our chasings and strivings suddenly would all come together. What would happen if that windfall actually came? What if all our planning actually panned out the way we wanted every step of the way? What if one day finally arrived, and we could be who think we want to be; do what we think we want to do; be with who we think we want to be with. Our dreams of one day turned into reality.

Much of the time the things we hold on to the tightest are those inmost longings. We yearn for something or someone to fill a void...that deep ache of the soul. We scramble to do anything and everything to orchestrate the outcome the way we believe is best. But even when we're just simply waiting on God and praying earnestly like we're "supposed to do", that once truly healthy desire can become an obsession and morph into an ugly oppressive mental trap that eats away at our resolve and robs us of our joy.
Doubts form.
Resentment builds.
Bitterness starts taking root.

I like to think I know what's best for me, but really, I don't have a clue. It's like I keep trying to shove that square peg into that confounded round hole, wonder why nothing seems to work right, and then have the audacity to keep pushing. Maybe I'm supposed to eventually fulfill that dream of filling that space, but until I'm willing to surrender that square peg and allow God to guide me in His good timing, it's only going to be futile and frustrating.

Surrender. I don't think it necessarily means completely giving up on God given dreams and desires. But I do think it means allowing God access to those sacred places that we're not willing to let go of and offering them to Him. Laying them at His feet and relinquishing control. Declaring Thy will be done and really meaning it, because He has promised:

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.

Isaiah 42:16

I'm starting to realize that surrender is God's antidote to the cage we create for ourselves as we plan for one day. I'm beginning to experience surrender as something completely liberating. I want to trust my life in God's hands...the God who controls the universe. I want that freedom that's found in surrendering my mediocre way of doing things and embracing His perfect plans and His way of accomplishing them. God's way is always, always better.

Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,

who finds great delight in his commands.

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,

for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

Surely he will never be shaken;

a righteous man will be remembered forever.

He will have no fear of bad news;

his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

His heart is secure, he will have no fear;

in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

Psalm 112

When It Becomes Real...

To sit within the isolation of I'm the only one is oppressive.
To feel the burden of I'm the only one is overwhelming.
To live life believing I'm the only one is a bleak and lonely existence.

But when we're willing to let down our guard
...that's when it becomes real.

When we invite someone into that partitioned inner sanctum of our soul
...that's when it becomes real.

When we reveal that sacred hidden place we can't let anyone see
...that's when it becomes real.

When we uncover the dirt we've tried so hard to beautify
...that's when it becomes real.

When we openly shed tears of grief and pour out our true heart's cry
...that's when it becomes real.

Friendship becomes real, and subsequently, I'm the only one loses its debilitating grip.

Together brings an instant sense of relief and peace. Friendships like no other form out of shared anguish and are bound as battles are fought together side by side. We aren't alone in our struggles. In our fears. Our hurts. Our worries. In our past mistakes.

When we're tempted to listen to the lie of I'm the only one, I pray that we remember the reality found through true friendships. And even when our earthly friendships fall short, I pray that we remember that our faithful Father will never fail us. We are never, ever alone...

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

Second Chance

I can't get enough of this song and the others on the Rend Collective Experiment's newest album. 

Life born from death.

...don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

I'm so thankful for second chances and the unfailing love of my heavenly Father...

My future hangs on this
You make preciousness from dust
Please don't
Stop creating me

Your blood offers the chance
To rewind to innocence
Reborn
Perfect as a child

Oh Your cross it changes everything
There my world begins again with You
Oh Your cross it's where my hope restarts
A second chance is Heaven's heart

When sin and ugliness
Collide with redemption's kiss
Beauty
Awakens by romance

Always inside this mess
I have found forgiveness
Mercy
As infinite as You

Oh Your cross it changes everything
There my world begins again with You
Oh Your cross it's where my hope restarts
A second chance is Heaven's heart

Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross

Fragments of brokenness
Salvaged by the art of grace
You craft
Life from our mistakes

Black skies of my regrets
Outshone by this kindness
New life
Dawns over my soul

Oh Your cross it changes everything
There my world begins again with You
Oh Your cross it's where my hope restarts
A second chance is Heaven's heart

Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross

Note to Self: Try

It's so simple, really.

No, I don't mean "trying".

I'm talking about "I can't".

It's easy.

Shying away from the difficult.

Refusing to give it a shot.

Remaining comfortable.

Safe.

Saying "I'm not good enough."

"I'm not ready."

"I'll fail."

"I'm scared."

"I can't."

It's easy to stay where you are.

Maintain the status quo.

Unchanged.

Unmoved.

The same.

It's easy.

But what gain is there in that?

What glory can you bring to God?

Is it really about you anyway?

If God asks you to go, don't you dare say "no".

You GO.

If God says, "do", don't say "I can't".

You DO.

God, Who spoke the universe into existence.

God, Who knit together your very essence.

If God is asking,

He will faithfully carry you through.

I don't want easy.

I want God's best.

I want to take a chance.

To answer His call.

To step out in faith.

I don't want easy.

I want the impossible.

What is impossible with men is possible with God.

Note to Self: Pity Parties

Pity parties. I used to be really good at throwing them.

Guest list: me, myself, and I.

They weren't much fun.

I certainly didn't invite God to them. Oh sure, I'd call Him crying. I'd ask Him to make it stop hurting so much. I'd ask Him "why me?!" He'd always show up wanting to help, but I'd never let Him in the door. For some reason every time He came knocking, I decided I liked my party just the way it was. A big, sad, self-pitying mess.

And then somewhere along the way I woke up. I grew up. I realized how much I was missing in my pity party of one. How selfish and self absorbed I was being. I was downright ungrateful. I was miserable. I was denying God the opportunity to take the chaos and confusion and turn it into something beautiful and flourishing.

I still throw my little pity parties at times, but thankfully I'm finding that I'm letting God in more often than not now. Sometimes we just sit and cry together, but I'm finding that He changes the bitter, angry tears to tears of joy and hope. Sometimes in the middle of it all, I just need to be reminded of where I've been and how far God has brought me. How He's faithfully carried me through so much. How time after time He's provided for my exact needs and blessed me abundantly even in the middle of some of the most painful times.

And so I thought I should write myself a little reminder...

Today's Note to Self: Pity Parties - don't talk yourself into hosting one...ever.

Trust

Yes, it's my wrist.
Yes, it's permanent.
Yes, there's a reason behind it...

It sounds like it should be so easy, right?

Just do it.

Go ahead...

Trust

Even after you've been let down over and over and over again.

Even after they've hurt you; maybe even lied to you.

Even after they say "I love you" and then walk away.

They say one thing and do another; make promises they fail to keep.

Trust is fragile. Once broken, repairs may never be possible. And even if the pieces can be picked up and patched together with care, the weakened fracture lines still exist. So we build up our walls in an effort to protect. We rely on our own efforts; our own strength. We resolve to never let anyone close enough to see our weaknesses for fear that we'll once again shatter.

Trust. It's a journey I've been on over the last several years.

Trust. It's a word that's become incredibly significant in my life.

Trust. It's a foundation that's digging deeper in my heart, growing roots, and slowly sprouting new amazing life.

trust
noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

That's it...right there: #3. I think that's the key. In whom or in what are we placing our trust? Far too often we cling to the tangible. We cling to the finite. We cling to the fallible. And then we wonder why it fails us. We sit in shock and bewilderment when they let us down.

But I love that the dictionary, of all places, states the one true source of hope; the only truly reliable foundation: God is my trust.

There's the Bible verse that says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart. We learned it in Sunday school. And we've repeated it so often we can recite it from memory. But when does it move from repetition to a reality?

God is my trust. It's a statement...no, much more than that...a faith; a foundation; a hope; a way of life that's being interwoven into my heart.

It's more than just letting go. It's surrendering everything.

It's more than just tentatively testing the water. It's jumping in the deep end.

It's more than just believing. It's following through and acting on it.

It's more than just fighting a battle. It's knowing the war is already won.

It's realizing that I can't live this life on my own, nor do I want to. So no matter what happens, no matter where He leads, no matter if nothing makes sense...I'm making the declaration: God, You're soveriegn. You have control. You know what's best. It's all Yours. I'm going to TRUST You!

Even in the confusion and hurt: God is my trust.

Even when I don't understand: God is my trust.

Even if it seems impossible: God is my trust.

Even though everyone else will fail me: God is my trust.

Even when all hope seems to be gone: God is my trust.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”

He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

If you make the Most High your dwelling-

even the LORD, who is my refuge-

then no harm will befall you,

no disaster will come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;

they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life will I satisfy him

and show him my salvation.”

Psalm 91

A New Perspective

I took an little trip north to New Hampshire this past weekend. I've had an open invitation to visit for the last few years, and for some reason I've never acted on it. It's kind of crazy that I've ventured south multiple times, but never north. I think there were a couple of things that made me resist the thought.

It's cold.

It's dark.

Ok, so somehow I hit it on one of the most balmy weekends they've ever had for this time of year, so I can't complain about the temperature. Although, every time I walked outside I was mentally bracing myself for a breath snatching kind of cold that thankfully was not the case.

But it was dark. Like REALLY dark. And the darkness started closing in around 3:30. It was a little eerie to say the least. By the time 5:00 hit, I was heading up 91N through Vermont along the New Hampshire border, and it just got darker and darker. I could only see the road directly in front of me. There were hardly any other cars on the road. There were no lights anywhere. No nearby towns to shed a little illumination. I couldn't see the moon or stars. Nothing. I kept waiting for a moose to appear out of nowhere. The darkness was enveloping. Oppressive. All encompassing. Penetrating.

Contrast that with my drive back south Monday morning in the daylight. That same stretch of road took on a whole different feeling in the light. It was absolutely glorious! Breath taking! Completely gorgeous! I couldn't believe how much I had missed seeing on the way up because I just plain couldn't see it in the dark. I just kept looking around and soaking it all in. God surely outdid Himself with those incredibly beautiful mountains.

The sun decided to paint the sky with the type of rays that filter down through the billowing clouds in streams. The trees were a mix of those that had shaken themselves free from their autumn leaves and the evergreens that live up to their name. And while the snow wasn't laying as thickly as is pictured above, there were patches of white dotting the landscape combined with ice formations clinging to the sides of the rock face that had been exposed in order to make way for the highway.

I just kept repeating "Wow, God, WOW!!" and thanking Him for the gift. I couldn't help myself. It was majestically beautiful!

What a difference light makes. I gained an entirely new perspective. I kept thinking about how much I could have missed if I wouldn't have had the opportunity to drive through that area in the daylight. The oppressive darkness of the night was lifted and turned into one of the most glorious scenes I've ever witnessed.

And then I started wondering how much I could have missed if I wouldn't have God's light opening my eyes to the beautiful things He's been doing and orchestrating along this life journey of mine. What a difference His light has made in my life. His light has illuminated the most amazing and miraculous things. I know I have an entirely new perspective on everything that happens.
A new perspective on the people around me.
A new perspective on my purpose; my passions; my goals.
A new perspective on morality; on my actions, thoughts, and words.
A new perspective on compassion.
A new perspective on pain; hurt; disappointment; worry; tragedy.
A new perspective on contentment; joy.
A new perspective on failure.
A new perspective on friendships; community; relationships; marriage.
A new perspective on change; waiting; anticipation; growth.
A new perspective on everyday miracles; sunrises; ocean tides; babies; stars.
A new perspective on thankfulness; grace; mercy; faithfulness; trust.
A new perspective on life.

I'm so thankful for my Savior. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to walk through this life in His light. I'm so thankful He broke through the oppressive darkness that shrouded my heart and turned my life into something beautiful...something even more glorious than the scenery I witnessed this weekend.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you."